I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
pray to the hookup gods
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
