I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
