I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
