I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize