you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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