What did we do last night that was yellow?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
