Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
