And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
