I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize