if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm gonna fight the coyote
PANTIES FOUND
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