i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
