i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
