so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
