youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
