It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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