that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
