it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
