I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
