We named our party play list daddy issues
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
