Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm at about main and main street
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
