Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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