I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
