dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
