I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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