my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
