do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
