M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
