yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
