bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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