I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
