I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
