she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize