the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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