It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
