My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
