i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
