She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize