Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
