Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
