Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
