I should be sponsored by Trojan
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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