I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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