i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
