I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize