Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
