Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
