p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
