your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
