i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i think i have two assholes
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
