I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
