You can't special order awesome
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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