I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize