ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Couch. On fire.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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