So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
