it wasn't lemon gatorade
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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