in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
