PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
