Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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