I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
