My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize