I wish I only lived at night.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
