y did u give ur computer a hand job?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
