So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
