Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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