Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
