we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
