I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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