You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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